Darkness Around Your Heart
by kortneyfpto
Summary: "Lydia if you just tell me why I will leave you alone" I said moving closer to her. She gave a shakey breathe before speaking. "Stiles I already told you why, I read it somewhere",she backed up moving away. I stepped closer and moved a piece of hair behind her head. "I think that is load of Crap". I said leaning in ready to kiss her.
1. Chapter 1

_**Darkness around your heart. Teen wolf fanflic. **_

You know those moments where it feels like everything is going so slow? Its feels like you can't breathe and everyone around you can't see how you're screaming to get attention for help. I feel like the world is on my shoulders and I can't do anything about it, and that kills me. When I got the text from Issiac I felt hopeless and I felt like everything was over. I saw Lydia talking but the only words I could make out what she was saying was _stiles and what's wrong._

"_Stiles what's wrong"?_

I had this feeling before I know when I had these feelings. I haven't had them in so long I forgot what they were. I know exactly what's going on.

I am shaking uncontrollably and I can't breathe.

_Stiles? _

_Stiles? _

"I think im having a panic attack"

After I said that I felt like every breathe I took could be my last. Lydia and I started walking I didn't know where but I knew she was taking me somewhere. I knew where we were once we opened the door. I immediately throw off my bag and try to rush somewhere I can sit. I slam into one of the lockers and I find a sit one the ground. For a moment I think I am by myself and I start to panic more. Then I see that Lydia is right next to me.

"Try to slow your breathing" she says helping me inhale and exhale using her hands. The more I inhaled and exhaled I started to think about all the problems that we have going on at once. The Darach using our parents as ritual sacrifices, the alpha pack and how my best friend Scott is with one of them. Then I find it more and more harder to breathe.

"I….. I can't" I said breathing heavily.

"Try to think about something else, anything else" I can tell she is panicked her self just by the way she is speaking. I would be to if I basically had another persons life in my hands. But instead of lishening I made it harder for myself.

"Like what?" I said in a challenging way.

"Umm…. Happy things good things. Friends family." When I heard the words friends and family I gave her that look that said _"what friends and family? My moms is dead, my dad is about to be a ritual sacrifice from a dark oak. And my only friend in the whole wide world might become a killer. _I think she got what I was saying because she tried to take it back.

"Ughh…. Not family. Just try and slow your breathing" she says with movement of her hands. By now I am panting heavily trying to catch a breathe.

Once again I try and failed. "I can't." This must be what it feels like to die to not be able to breathe. I grab a hold of my chest and give it a light squeeze begging it to let me breathe. Lydia grabbed my face and kept repeating

"Shh…. Shhh. Stiles look at me" I looked up and finally aculaly look at her. I notice the panic in her eyes and I notice how bad she looks like she wants to help me. Her beautiful green eyes looking at me with worry and concern, trying to calm me.

"Look at me." Shhh….." Stiles she says with so much love and consideration. It actually calmed me a little hearing her voice sweet and low. I finally was able to look away from her eyes to her mouth. Her plump lips trembling from fear. I notice how her eyes were making the same trail as mine.

_Are you going to kiss me? _

Then there it was something I have been waiting on for almost all my life. I was unbelievably surprised but eventually gave into the kiss. Because you never know when you might get the chance of a lifetime, so I took advantage of this moment. I kissed back with all the passion I could aspire. Then it was over I felt her pulling back. It took everything in me not to pull her back kiss her for all the times I wanted to but couldn't. When we both pulled back completely I saw that her eyes were still closed.

_Did she like it? _

When she opened them she saw I that I was looking at her with wide eyes. One: because I can't believed that Lydia freaking Martin just kissed me. Two: because I am not panting anymore, I am actually breathing like a normal person again.

"How did you do that?" Really the question that was going on in my head was why did you do that? Do you like me? Do you want to be more than friends? When she composed her self she finally answered.

"I ughh….. I read once that holding your breathe could stop a panic attack" I nodded my head understanding what she was saying and telling her to continue. "Sooo… when I kissed you, you held you breathe" Still holding eyes contact I spoke.

"I did?"

"Yea.. You did?" My heart rate started to increase when she said this because it made me realize what I knew all along. I would hold my breathe for Lydia, I would die for Lydia. I held my breathe for her when I so desperately needed one just to kiss her. And she knows that, that's why she did it.

"Thanks" I said trying to muster up a smile. "Your really smart." I saw that she was breaking contact and getting back from cloud nine and readjusting her position. I followed the same suit.

"I just… I don't know just read it somewhere. And if I were really smart I would tell you to sign up a few sessions with the guidance counselor."

I chuckle and then start to get back serious. I hope one day after all this is ended I get to ask her why she really did it. Because I don't really believe that, "I read it somewhere crap."

**I hope you liked that. The next chapter will be set after 3x12. When stiles asks her what the kiss was really for. Well read and review please ;) I will only post new chapter if you guys liked this one. **


	2. Chapter 2

_**Darkness around your heart: chapter 2 **_

_**Teen wolf fanflic **_

I finally feel at peace with myself. I finally feel like I can breathe and take everything in. After I saved our parents from being squashed to death by the nebiton tree, everything started to be normal. Well as normal as beacon hills can be. But I still feel this darkness that Deaton was talking about. I try to ignore it but the more I pull back, the more it comes. I get scared that maybe one day I might turn into someone im not.

In school everything was good, it bothers me that there lives are so normal and they have no clue what's going on. But I know that this is the only way everyone is safe. I also feel like a giant weight is lifted off my shoulders now that my dad knows everything. I feel like maybe we can be back to the way we were now that I am not lying to him everyday.

The only thing that has really been on my mind is Lydia, I found out she decided that she wanted to be with Aiden. I want her to be happy but I know that I could do that for her. It broke my heart to know that she basically chose him over me. But her happiness is everything to me so if she is happy with him ill let her be. But I still have one very important question I need to ask her. I have no idea how I am going to grow the balls to actually ask, but after all this shit that happened to us I think ill find some.

I know that she will be at Danny's birthday party. Who isn't going to be there? So I think that this is the perfect opportunity. I know she's going with Aiden but I think I can find some type of way to work around him.

"So you think Alison and Isaac are dating behind you back?" I asked my best friend who decided he wanted to come over my place to get ready for the party.

He took a deep breathe before he spoke. "Yea I know that Isaac would never willingly try and hurt me, but I think that they are doing something behind my back and scared to tell me" he said locking eyes with the ground.

I kind of had this feeling for a while now too but how are you supposed to tell your best friend that the love of you life is moving on without you? I sat next to him and patted him on the shoulder. "I know it sucks man, but you never know what could happen. But you wanna know what I think?" he stood there for a moment and I took that as I should continue.

"I think that out of all the crazyness somewhere along the line they become close. And that they found that they had this chemistry that was unexplainable, and that it felt good to have something good out of all things that's happened to them in the past few months."

"Yea I get it, but stiles….are you sure you talking about Alison and Isaac or you and Lydia?"

I took a deep breathe paparing my self to talk about my heart break. In ways Scott and I are going threw the same thing. He is in love with Alison, I am in love with Lydia and in the end both of them end up with different people.

"I guess you could say I was talking about me and Lydia. But Lydia had a choice"

"And you don't think that Alison also had a choice?"

I stood there froze for a moment in thought. Scott has gotten really smart over the past few months. I am proud that he is focus but its really starting to irritate me that he is almost at the same IQ I am.

"Okay tell you what, tonight is all about moving on and getting a new life. Even though it might be hard letting go of the old one."

Scott looked at me confused before saying. "Dude you are talking like a fortune cookie, it must be that whole darkness around you heart thing."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "So…. Are you telling me that you don't feel it too?"

"No I do I just don't let it to my head. Like you are obviously are." He said pointedly at me. I now looked at him confused. "What are you talking about man? Yodas have to be wise don't they? I am your yoda."

He shook his head before getting off my bed. "Lets get ready for the party." I stood up as well, before I grabbed his shoulder stopping him from going anywhere else.

"Okay but Scott promise me you won't do anything stupid when you see Isaac and Alison"

"I can't promise anything, I might…."

"Promise me" I said cutting him off. He nodded before walking off. I smiled in gratitude while sitting down on the bed. "TONIGHT is going to be fun, don't worry. WE are going to move on." I sounded so sure but I am almost positive that there is not getting over Lydia Martin.

What actually happens at high school parties? Ill tell you what happens. A bunch of teenagers get drunk. Virgins lose there virginity to some douchbag who they don't even know. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is probably going to cheat on you, if your not there. Girls like to take there clothes off, I am not complaining about that but ladies have some pride. Then eventually the cops get called.

Scott and I just pulled up and I already feel like I am going to regret tonight. I look at Scott and he has the same look plastered on his face. I turn forward again and I see Aidens motorcycle up a few spaces in front of cars. I know Lydia came with him. I turned back to Scott letting the thought go.

"You ready?" I got out of his gaze and turned to me. "Yea I guess lets get this over with."

"You know we don't actually have to go in there? We can always turn around and hangout somewhere else." I said suggestively. I am really starting to realize I don't want to see Lydia in there all hugged up in there with some other guy.

"Naa man we have to, we promised Danny we would come." I sighed in defeat and nodded my head.

"Alright let's do the checklist. Arms pits." I said lifting up his arms. "Nose alright check. Now breathe." I came closer to him sniffing his breath and was not pleased.

"Dude have you been eating funyuns?"

"Yea sorry." I shook my head and pulled out some gum and gave it to him. "Aright lets go" I said exciting the my jeep. We made our way up the driveway already hearing the blearing music. People were already starting to come outside. We knocked on the door to see Danny open up.

"Hey" he said ecstatically.

"Hey man Happy Birthday." I said patting him one the shoulder. "Thanks" he smiled at me before he turned to Scott, and smiled.

"What's up Scott" he said a little lazily. You could tell he was drunk but not as drunk as half of the people here. Scott nodded in his direction, saying happy birthday to him.

I started to scoop out the party seeing if I recognized anyone. Danny was saying something to Scott before they both walked off. I turn my head in there direction and I see that they are over there with Ethan getting Scott a drink. I start to walk as I get distracted by all the red cups that's already making a trail on the ground. I start following the trail and run into someone. We collide heads and I instantly feel a headache coming on.

"Oh im sorry….it was..." I stopped in mid sentence as I realize who it was. The last person I wanted to see right now. But im moving on tonight

"Oh hey man, it's my bad I totally wasn't paying attention." The nerve of this guy, first he steals the love of my life away from me and then he acts all innocent. Now wonder I felt a headache coming on that quickly im allergic to evil. I quickly change my attitude and take all my anger on him.

"Damn right it was your fault." I said stepping forward to him. I saw Lydia making her way towards us. I tried my best to not look at what she was wearing but my eyes betrayed me.

"Hey Stiles, what's going on?" she asked as she placed her hand around his hips and his arm guided across her shoulders. I almost threw up at the sight, but I regained my composure when I realized that she was waiting on my reply.

"Nothings wrong, I was just telling Aiden here that he needs to watch where he was going and stay the hell out of my way." I said as I folded my arms, I felt Lydia eyes on me looking at me shocked. Jealousy brings out the worst doesn't it?

"What the hell is your problem Stilinski?" He said moving away from Lydia and stepping forward and I did the same. I don't know why the hell I think I can take on a psycho giant alpha but I know that I am fed up. But I know I need to stop this before it gets too far.

"You wanna know what my problem is?" I didn't wait for his response and neither did I care but I continued anyway. "It's your werewolf ass." I said ending the conversation and walking away, making sure to bump his shoulder in the process. I know it's immature but when is enough enough? I have been threw a lot in the past few months and he was always apart of it, he is the bad guy. And he still gets the girl. The girl that I so happen to love.

I felt there eyes on me from behind me but I didn't care I need something to move on, because it not working out this way. I can't go on the rest of my life pinning over a girl I know I can't have. I need drink. I start making my way over and I see Isaac and Alison talking on the couch, him whispering something in her ear. Obviously something hilarious because she laughing really hard. I shake my head and make my way too the kitchen where the caig was. I grabbed a red cup and filled it to the top and chugged it down already half way full. I turn around to refill my cup when I hear someone approach me.

"Stiles what the hell is your problem?" Me already knowing who it is I responded to the question. I sighed and turned around coming face to face with Lydia.

"I already told you it's your werewolf ass boyfriend." I said chuckling and taking another sip if my drink, that's already consuming me. She looked at me bemused and stepped forward to me.

"Where the hell have you been? I have been calling you for the past three days." She said a little above a whisper I could barely hear her above the music. I shook my head before answering.

"Come on Lydia don't act like you haven't noticed, that after the kiss things have been weird between us. Then you go on and decide that you want to be with Aiden without even talking to me about it."

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "So Im supposed to tell you when I decide when I want to be with someone?"

I knew this was going to be a longer conversation, so I took another chug of my beer. Might as well not remember any of this tomorrow.

"No but it's like you rushed to do it because you knew I was going to stop you and ask you why." I step closer to her and spoke. "You knew I was going to ask about the kiss, but instead of fixing the problem you decide that you want to be with Aiden." I said stepping forward. While taking another sip of my beer.

"What the hell are you talking about? I told why I kissed you, you needed help and I knew how to provide it. And as for Aiden I really like him, I am tired of hiding in closets just to steal a kiss."

I must admit that really hurt but I am really starting to get a buzz. So I am going to let it flow. I grabbed Lydia arm and dragged to her to Danny's room. She tried to loosen up the grip but I wouldn't let it happen, until we made our destination.

She snatched her arm away and sat on Danny's bed. And I sat next to her. I know this wasn't part of the plan and I know that Scott is going to kill me once I tell him. Here I am telling him to get over it and move on and I am upstairs with a girl I said I was going to get over all alone. I should run while I can save myself the heartache later.

"Look Lydia I know that we have been through a lot these past few months and threw the course of them we have gotten closer and I have actually gotten to know you better. And so have you and I, I think that it is okay if you started to develop some type of feelings for me." I said as I looked at her, she had her eyebrows raised and looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

She shook her head before looking at me again before speaking.

"Sense when are you the type of guy to just assume? You always have to have prove before you speak and have the facts straight. Now you have this overwhelming confidence that you don't know what to do with."

She was right as always. I know that I don't have prove of what I am actually saying but in that kiss I felt this vibe from her this feeling like she wanted to do it for a really long time. I know I wanted to for a long time and im sure she knows that.

"Lydia I like you for the longiest time, and I know a lot about you and how you act when you want something. I know that I never act like this but I think it might be only chance to actually get answers from you. When you kissed me I felt like you wanted to do it for a while, and that you were finally happy that you done it." I said taking a hold of her hand planting a kiss on it.

We looked in each others eyes and for a moment I felt like everything were going to be alright and we would always have each other but it all depends on her. I know what I want but she doesn't know what she wants.

We finally broke apart and she stood up off the bed before turning back to look at me. "I should get back Aiden is probably looking for me." She said turning around to leave. Before I had any second thoughts I grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

"Lydia if you just tell me why I will leave you alone." I knew as much as everyone else knew I could never stay away from her. She looked at me before grabbing her hand away.

"Stiles I already told you why I did it I read it somewhere." Why do you keep lying to me? I stepped closer to her and she moved back and I kept moving up until she was all the way to Danny's closet door. I put my hand on each side of her preventing escape.

"Yea? Well I think that is a lot of crap." I said leaning closer. "You and I know both know that just like me you don't do anything that you don't have prove for either." I leaned in more before she spoke.

"Well maybe I did have prove. And maybe I knew that you would hold your breathe for me. So I tried it." I nodded my head before closing the distance between us. I lips hovering over each other just as my top lips touched hers we heard the door open, only to have Danny and Ethan walk in making out. They stopped as they spotted us; they looked confused before Ethan said something.

"Lydia…. Aidens looking for you." He said pointing towards the door. Lydia gave me a guilty look before nodding her head and leaving, I watched until she was out of distance. I turned around to the closet all the anger taking over me.

I punched the door leaving and dent. "DAMMIT" I screamed upset. I looked at Danny and Ethan who looked at me worriedly.

"What happened up here man?" he asked concern in his voice. I shook my head violently and walked out.

I stalked down the stairs to find Isaac and Alison sitting in the same spot they have been for the past half and hour. I am so over this party I just want to go home and consume my self in depression. The loud music giving me a headache and my stomach grumbling and repaying me from all the beer I drunk, hopefully Scott isn't too drunk to drive because I have no idea how we will get home.

I go sit over to the couch next to Isaac and Alison. I know how Scott feel right now we are going threw the sane thing and sense he promised me that he wouldn't do anything stupid I will do it for him.

"So what the hell is going on here?" I said breaking them from there loving glances at each other. I can't believe that Scott let this boy live with him after he had no place to live and he betrayed him like That.

"Hey stiles." Alison said looking at me guilty. I am SOO damn tired of people giving me those looks. Everybody feels so sorry for you, I feel so weak when people give me those looks. "ANSWER the damn question." I said clearly frustrated. He put his hand on my shoulder before speaking.

"Look man I know that Scott is your best friend and you want to protect….."

"No Isaac….. Scott is my brother." I said before taking his hand off my shoulder. "And I will do anything to protect him just like he would do the same for me. I am telling you right now that what you two are doing…." I said pointing at them. "Is totally wrong and you know it. That's why you are keeping it a secret." I looked over and saw Lydia and Aiden on the kitchen dancing to whatever slow song was on. That should be me. I got up and walked out the door.

I don't give a shit anymore I am waking home. I am not going to sit there and watch them. Scott will catch a ride. I make my way down the driveway and just like my feeling earlier was right I was totally going to regret tonight. I don't know how but I need to move on and I don't have any idea how I am going to do so.

Maybe I don't belong with her. Maybe I don't need her in my life and maybe just maybe one day I will move on from this old life and start a new one.

**Hey guys I hope you liked that im sorry for the wait but now you have this too make up for it. Hope you liked it. **** Please read and review that will really motivate me to keep writing. Sorry for any mistakes I have. **


	3. Chapter 3

_**Darkness Around Your Heart: chapter 3**_

_**Teen Wolf fanflic**_

The cold air brushes against my skin, as I take in the darkness around me. I rub my hands against my arms trying to provide some type of warmth. I am totally starting to regret my decision of walking home. I turn my head back in the direction that Danny's house is in. Should I go back? I might as well not I am already on the next block and turning around to only be disappointed doesn't sound promising. I really don't know why I left. I guess I was living in the moment and really upset at once.

I am an Idiot

I should have just found Scott and he could have drove me home. Or if was to drunk himself we could have walked to together. It's a much better idea than me walking in an unknown neighborhood in the dark and with no direction. I stumble as I start to think about why I left in the first place why I said all that stuff to Isaac and Alison why I was so angry. That's easy it the same reason why I make all the dumb decisions I make including this one.

Lydia Martin

Why so I have to care so much about her? Why do I have to flaunt all over her whenever she is near me? Those are both question I would love the answers to. Maybe I am over exaggerating and need to stop being dramatic. But how do you stop something that is a habit?

I look around to see if I can recognize anything, but all I see is houses I have never seen. I walk a little further and realize I can always call someone. I feel my pockets to see if my cell phone is in them. To my luck it is. I pull it out and call the first person that comes to mind. I hear ringing and then her raspy voice pick up. What time is it?

"_Hello?" _

"Hey Cora, what are you doing?" I hear shuffling and then she asks. _"Stiles?" what wrong, what happened?" _she asked panicked. I smiled to myself, she might be a hard ass like her brother but she still cares. "Nothing, I just was calling." I lied hoping she could be close and not but busy. She and Derek didn't stay gone for long they actually came back in to town yesterday.

"_You were just calling?" _she asked skeptically. _"At one a clock in the morning?"_

I sighed defeated, before speaking. "No actually I was wondering if could come get me?" I said holding my breathe I really don't feel like getting lost tonight.

"_Umm….. Sure where are you?" _I heard moving and I assumed she was already on her way. I thought for moment I don't even know where I am. "I am down the street from Danny's."

"_Why are you….?"_ I stopped her before she spoke any more, because it's a long story and I really don't want to tell it in the middle of the street. "I'll tell you when you get here." I sighed before continuing. "It's a long story." I said and then hung up.

It's a long story that I don't feel like reliving by telling. But I guess I can vent to… Cora? But she might me my yoda for the night I guess. But all I know is that I soon as I get home I am going to consume myself in the soft cushion call my bed.

I looked out the window of the passenger seat watching as everything passes by. Cora was there to pick me up within the next 10 minutes. I was eternally grateful and got in. Since I have been in the car I filled Cora in on everything that has happened between Lydia and I. She really didn't reply to anything I was saying but I in reality I really didn't want her to.

"So what are you going to do?" I jumped startled because we have been sitting in silence for the past 5 minutes. I looked at her and she had her hands griped firmly on the wheel and looking straight ahead.

"I…I really don't know, but I think can finally agree that it is time to move on." I said nodding my head.

"Who are you trying to convince me or yourself?" That's the question I was afraid she was going to ask me. But truth was I was trying to convince myself more than anything, because I couldn't believe I could do it. So I need as much convincing I could get.

I inhaled and looked forward looking at the road ahead of me. I looked at her and she was glancing at me from the corner of her eyes waiting patiently for my response. "Myself." I sighed for the on millionth time today and continued. "I am trying to convince myself."

"Why?" she said looking at me for a second and then back to the road.

"Because I don't believe I can do it."

She sighed and shook her head disapprovingly and smiled to her self. "Stiles I know you can do it. Let me tell you why, we have been through hell in these past few months. We lost people we love. People were killed and the ones we love got hurt. Our lives at stake everyday, if you got through that I am sure you can get through this heartbreak." She said grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze before letting go. I gave her a smile that barely reached my eyes. Hopefully I forget all this tomorrow; I really don't want to remember anything from tonight. With the exception of Cora being nice enough give me a ride and listen to me rant about my undeniable love for Lydia. I saw that we were on my street approaching my house.

"Thanks" I stated lamely as she stopped in front of my house. She put the car in gear and smiling at me. I smiled back and grabbed her hand. "For anything" I let go of her hand and took off my seat belt.

"Anytime" she said back, she must be in a good mood today for just feel plain sorry for me because this is the nicest I ever seen her. I grabbed the handle and was about to get out before she called me. 

"Stiles?"

"Yeah." I said as I turned back to her only to have my lips meet with hers. I was quick, before I even got a feel of her mouth she pulled away. I sat there shocked before she said something

"You said I better be awake next time." She said smiling. She heard that and I stood there trying to take in what just happened.

"You heard…th." She cut me off and pushed me out the car

"Goodnight Stiles." I sighed getting the message. How come everyone that kisses me doesn't want to talk about it afterwards? I stepped out before replying. "Goodnight Cora." I gave her a light wave before heading up the driveway. When she saw me inside safely she pulled off. I smiled to myself its nice knowing that someone actually cares about me.

I tiptoed my way upstairs because sure enough my dad was home. And I am sure he came to check on me only to come to an empty room. Did I forget to tell him? I don't even care right now the only thing on my mind right now is getting some sleep. I make my way pass his room and up the stairs. I finally make it to my room and I immediately flounce on my bed already consuming myself in a deep sleep.

I felt the sunlight from my curtains hit my face and I inwardly groan as I hope I could get a little bit more sleep. I hear a knock on the door and I hear my dad on the other side. "Stiles get up it's almost 7." He said before I hear him walking away. I hastily get up and regret it immediately. My head feels like a freaking truck ran over it and over again. My first hangover isn't this going to be a fun day. I get up and my body feels weak I sit back down instantly.

"Fuck." I said to myself as I felt the migran get worse. I need to get some medicine and then after that I will never pick up a drink again. I force my self to get up and head to my bathroom to the cabinet to get some Advil. I might as well get ready for another agonizing day.

Hooray!

**Aww poor Stiles. That Cora and stiles scene was for you guys that are shipping those two. But I really don't plan on putting those tow together that much. But I don't know are little stiles really enjoyed there little talk and might be planning on doing it again. Thank you guys for all those nice reviews they really help me. I will posting again tomorrow read and review please **** Sorry for mistakes it 1:00 in the morning **


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